So… “Leaving on a jet plane,” as John Denver so beautifully sang, Cindy, Avra, and I were headed to the beach when a bizarre incident occurred. By the way—this is true—not fiction.
Cindy loves to be swaddled, maybe because it gives her comfort, like always being in my rucksack…remembering the flooded Pyrenees tunnel in “Alternate State of Affairs.” Well, this time she was snugly protected in a silk coverlet and gently placed in a carry-on suitcase for our journey to the seashore when all hell broke loose in the airport security check. You can’t make this shit up.
After repeated imaging in the x-ray monitors, Cindy’s suitcase was diverted to a special location as alarms sounded and a very stern-looking officer appeared out of nowhere and asked the ominous question, “Whose suitcase is this?”
Uh-oh, I thought as Avra meekly answered, “It’s mine.”
“Over here,” he ordered. “Open the luggage!” as he backed away to protect himself. “There’s a strange doll that appeared on the monitor. What is that thing? Take it out and undress it.”
Avra immediately complied, gently lifting Cindy, removing the silk shroud and her bunting. Our spiritual eyeless wonder was terrified—being violated in a damn airport by a freaked-out security guard who said, “I am very religious…this is extremely upsetting!” as he defiled her innards.
What the fuck was he babbling about?
Apparently, there are some inoperable internal metal parts that used to generate crying sounds. Security thought Cindy—our dear beloved soulmate was a bomb or… Yikes.
Cindy has been all over the world: spent generations in a sealed French mausoleum; slept in the Djibouti, American army base; survived a massive terrorist onslaught in the Pyrenees; lived on The Ohio State University campus; and talked to the stars in Tel Aviv. She has done it all—but never has she created more chaos than in the TSA security line traumatizing the guard for life.
“I never want to see that…that, thing again—going to have nightmares—I’m deeply pious and God fearing—get it out of here,” he demanded as we gladly acquiesced and left on a jet plane.
Cindy is now safe and sound…livin’ life at the beach.